If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
