We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
me + whiskey = a bad person
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
