I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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