"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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