Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
