And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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