i may or may not be watching the land before time
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
