took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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