sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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