sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
