just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
