party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
