Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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