if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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