dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
