Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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