I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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