What a fucking waste of an outfit
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
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My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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