It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
