Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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