What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
no you cant smoke seaweed
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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