I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
