I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
