And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
