OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
