she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Sober January is a disaster.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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