Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
