But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
