she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
