ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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