Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
