im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
