I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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