They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Alive.
So much puke
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
