i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
