Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
