do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
