I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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