I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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