they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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