Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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