Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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