There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
