It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
that is very illegal...i love you.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
