Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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