You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
