I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
