I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
3 2 1 whiskey
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
