I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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