I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
