she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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