I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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