he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
