i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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