can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
