Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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