omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
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