Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
