I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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