Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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