I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
