After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
