My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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