I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
