He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
