I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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