Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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