The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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