glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
