Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm like, not good at living.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
